How to turn me on
“This section details some basics of flirting and your known sexual preferences. Share as much or as little as you are comfortable with (Responses assume consent.)”
- What is the best way to flirt with you?
A big smile, direct eye contact and a soft touch on the arm or leg.
Also making me laugh is a big flirty turn on. After a few years into my dating journey, when I didn’t have a good first date, I asked myself why I didn’t. As I thought back over several experiences, I realized the common thread was I didn’t laugh on those dates.
- What kind of flirting will always get your attention and bring a smile?
In addition to the above, confidence gets my attention. Not over confidence, bragging, showing off or being a bro having to act out how cool you are. You shouldn’t have to if you are really confident. Calm, cool and confident.
But also again…laughing!
- What kind of dates do you especially like?
Not surprisingly since I am into food and wine, I like dinner and drinks dates with great conversation. I also like activity dates – hiking, baseball games, exploring a new town, walking around a city – and even silly, childish dates. Let’s go bowling, rent scooters, play video games at the arcade, ride roller coasters and eat junk food. And Netflix and chill (literally and figuratively) cuddled up on the couch is nice as well once we get to know each other.
- What kind of light physical touch do you enjoy?
I definitely notice a light touch! A gentle tap on my arm or thigh while you are making a point in your story. Also when our legs touch at a crowded bar – so hot!
- What does a good date look like to you? How would someone leave you walking away feeling that wonderful?
This is an interesting question for today as I have a first date in a few hours. We are meeting for a mid-afternoon drink at a local pub-restaurant.
I’d leave feeling wonderful and wanting to see him again if we had great conversation. Yes of course laughing must be involved, but a connected conversation is a turn on. It doesn’t need to be about all the things we have in common. I also enjoy learning new things about people and topics. Just a nice flow where it’s natural and not a struggle to find things to talk about.
If he smiles a lot at me, gives me a few light physical touches, and moves in closer. He shows me he is confident in himself and his own skin.
Also I am definitely attracted to someone who puts themselves together well. I don’t mean flashy, expensive clothes and jewelry, but please don’t wear clothes with stains, wrinkles, or be otherwise disheveled. You would think especially on a first date that you’d want to make a good impression. Some guys don’t have a clue.
- And particular flirting pet peeves to be avoided?
Definitely my number one here is talking about sex too much and too early. A little sexy flirting is nice, but let’s keep some mystery for if and when we make it that far. I’m guessing this is a number one for a lot of women. And don’t EVEN get me started on dick pics!
In a recent chat with a guy online, mind you we had not even met yet, we were flirting a bit and, what seemed completely out of the blue, he told me my butt wasn’t safe. No thank you…NEXT!
- What kind of pace do you prefer for dating/intimacy?
Usually if I like someone, I’m DTF on the second date. I want to know fairly soon if the physical and mental energy that we established on the first date carries over well into the bedroom. I also like that second date to just evolve – see how we are together naturally without a lot of talk ahead of time about who likes what. Let’s just get naked in private and see what happens.
After that, if mutually agreeable, we can discuss sexual explorations and adventures together. I do enjoy trying new things with a partner. Maybe it’s just something we haven’t done together yet, or maybe it’s new for one or both of us.
- What is “sex” to you?
This is an interesting topic for me. Before Nerdie, I thought sex was just the physical act. Love was outside the bedroom where you show someone you love them through the things you do and say to and for them. At 40 years old, Nerdie was the first person I ever made love to.
I know I went off on a tangent there. That answer was more about what is “making love” to you, but it describes my belief that sex and love can be the same – a new phenomenon for me. For me, there can also be sex without love – could be sex with like or sex for fun. Actually I’d say I would have to like you to have sex with you. Doesn’t make any sense to me otherwise.
So back to the question! Sex is so much more than penis in vagina or even penetration for that matter – although I do love to watch penetration! Sex is all the physical and mental pleasures between consenting adults – not even necessarily behind closed doors, not even just two people. It’s a temporary physical and mental connection.
- What are you into sexually?
Well that’s a big open ended question!
Generally, I like to be dominated in the bedroom. Tell me what to do. Tie me up. Hold me down. Tease me.
I also like to dress up in lingerie and sexy costumes. I have an entire dresser drawer devoted to my outfits organized in ziplock bags. Now that I think about it, I should label them – the ultimate organized sex drawer!
I like to watch so a well placed mirror is always welcome.
I like porn that includes, you guessed it, penetration! Not all penis in vagina, although that’s nice. I like gay porn, trans porn, lesbians with dildos, girls masturbating with dildos or other machinery – generally anything where a hard something is going into a wet hole repeatedly.
With one exception…blow jobs. I enjoy giving them, but in porn, I really can’t stand all those gagging noises – ugh!
I also call myself bi-lite. I like women – they are beautiful! Take me to a strip club ANY day of the week. Well maybe not any. The best girls are there on the weekends.
I like big boobs and I cannot lie. Mine are small so I love to grab, caress and motorboat some biggins!
Also you must be able to give me an orgasm with your mouth. Because I cannot climax through penetration, this is a deal-maker or breaker.
- What is your take on casual sex?
Is DTF on the second date considered casual? LOL!
I’m totally fine with casual sex, although I prefer not to have a ONS. It happens sometimes though. Can’t win them all.
I think Americans are too uptight about sex. In my opinion, if we were all having more sex, we would have less violence, less stress and be more happy. It’s just sex – there are ways to do it safely. Just go have some safe fun for christ’s sake!
- Why did you chose your last few sexual partners, and what did you enjoy about them?
I’ll start at the top: Nerdie. If you haven’t already read about him, you can search by Nerdie on the LTD homepage and read our origin story over a few posts. He makes me laugh, we talk about all sorts of topics where we can teach each other new things, we do a great Netflix and chill cuddle time – we got the mental connection down.
Physically, nobody does it better! He is always grabbing and hugging and kissing me. He likes to dominate in the bedroom and see me in sexy outfits and lingerie. I should also get insurance on his tongue – the absolute best from the first time it ever touched my clit!
Diamonds I have been seeing for 5 years now perhaps?? He and I have the mental thing on lock too. We can sit and drink and smoke and listening to music for hours talking about anything, everything and nothing. This year, we also got in the kitchen together to cook. It was a ton of fun and made me feel even closer to him.
In the bedroom, I enjoy that he is tender. We actually watched porn together for the first time this year as well. He said it was the first time he had ever watched porn with a woman!
Our vibe in and out of the bedroom is just very chill. We have a jersey connection and find an escape in each other. We are each other’s vacation islands – with cocktails, great food, sun and surf.
Besides Nerdie, who is 4 years younger than me, and Diamonds, who is a year younger than me, I tend to date men at least 10 years older. Generally, I like their maturity and experience in life and in the bedroom. At those ages, they know what they want and don’t really intend to change. As long as we fit together, I am cool with them just being who they are.
Thinking back over a few of these older men, I chose them for their love of food and drink, wisdom and experience in life that they can share with me, their sexual confidence and desire for exploration in the bedroom, their conversation, and their sensitive nature. They also tend to be more attentive and much less flaky than the young ones.
- What are your known sexual turn-ons?
Kinda redundant with ‘What are you into sexually?’
- What are your know sexual turn-offs?
Besides what I mentioned above, I am not into anything going in to my butt. You can admire, smack, grab, and squeeze the cheeks, but the rest of it is exit only. And for fuck’s sake, you will NOT be able to convince me otherwise. Just move on and find someone who enjoys anal sex and leave me alone!