The Couple: The Bitch

I met The Couple on Feeld. If you are unfamiliar with that dating app and need a refresher, read the first few paragraphs of this post.

Like other singles and couples I had been matched with, it was just a lot of kinky chatting. These folks were the first ones to invite me for a drink.

He was 6’3″, scraggly beard, large pointed nose, slender if not a little wiry, great wide smile. She was 5’2″, dirty blond hair, long and straight, adorable laugh, slender, quiet.

They lived two counties over so we found a mutually agreeable dive bar to meet in the middle on a Sunday late afternoon.

I arrived first, bellied up to the bar with two other stools, and ordered a tall frosty one. They came in a few minutes later and we exchanged hugs and greetings. I found them both attractive right away. Their body language toward each other and me said fun, confident, and sexy. I was in!

We arranged the stools close together in a wide V with her in the middle. The conversation flowed easily around the usual topics of work, family and lifestyle. There wasn’t a shortage of cheesy jokes, subtle sexual innuendos and smiles across the board.

He was a criminal litigator working on building a political board game around the 2016 presidential election. She was a governmental employee of some kind making a long commute into the city daily.

They were newlyweds and had met and had an affair when they were both married to other people. Umm…ok, a sensitive topic for me. A definite flag on the play, but ok let’s see where this goes.

They figured since they had both been unfaithful before that in this marriage they should open it up to include other people. They were both free to sleep with anyone else at anytime, or with someone/people together, as long as they were practicing safe sex. Ok, the logic is there, I guess I’ll give them that.

During the discussion, mostly as I reflect now as the beers kept flowing, he began to get a just a wee bit assertive about sex.

“Well if we go home tonight…”

“You’d really like it when we…fill in the blank sexual act…”

After the third beer, unsolicited, he announced that he thought the three of us were having just a swimming time and why don’t we go to dinner?

Perhaps it was my naivety in my first date with a couple, but I was feeling a little bit uneasy, yet, also still extremely curious to see where this would go. I suppose if I stuck to my own car, major roads and public places I’d be right as rain so I proceeded.

We found a casual Italian place in town and drove separately there. They were busy for a Sunday night so we tucked tightly into a table for two with me and her on the bench close together.

We ordered wine, then an appetizer, then entrees. As he kept drinking the comments moved from assertive to aggressive, and my mood from open-minded to closed.

“I can’t wait to watch you two.”

“How do you want to fuck us?”

Well, buddy, you just turned my semi into limp.

The bill came, he pulled it toward him, as I thought he should since he invited me to have dinner with them, and then said this.

“We’ll divide it three ways, and I’m only paying for the bitch I get to take home.”

I sat there stunned, and I know I don’t have a poker face so I’m sure it reflected my inability to know what to say or do next. I put down my card, signed the receipt. I didn’t intend to make a scene, just to leave and get away as fast as possible.

I made all the niceties in the parking lot – hugs and thank yous. Looked over my shoulder as I walked to my car, and thanked the lord they didn’t know where I lived.

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