I’ve been single for the past six weeks now – a status I haven’t had since I was 19. Like pretty much all middle class, educated white girls from the burbs I thought a monogamous relationship was the thing to strive for. Although I never wanted to get married nor have kids, I didn’t think there was any other option besides monogamy. What am I saying?!? I didn’t even have a thought about it – monogamy just was – without thought, examination or question.
But after three back-to-back monogamous relationships and 21 years past, I’ve started what I guess I’m calling a journey of sexual and relationship exploration. I just don’t know what’s right for me anymore except for what feels right right now. And right now I don’t want monogamy.
That may be because of those 21 years 17 was spent with a man who cheated on me. I know that’s a logical explanation and pendulum swing reaction in the complete opposite direction.
However as I talk and go out with new men, I am more and more convinced that no one person could ever fully meet another one person’s needs. Not only that, but our needs change over time, don’t they?
Were we meant to be with one person for all our lives – ’til death do us part cause the Bible tells us so? I was on that path, without the actual marriage part, but I did think I was going to be with him forever monogamously.
To disprove the marriage paradigm, I could point to divorce rates, how my married friends complain about their spouses, the number of men on online dating sites looking to cheat, the fact that perhaps this site will gain traction if only to live vicariously through my life…
I already didn’t think traditional marriage was a good way to go for me because I never wanted to get married. Partly because I didn’t see the reason since I didn’t want to have kids. Partly because, at the time, my gay and lesbian friends didn’t have the same rights as me to get married. Partly because somehow I thought I’d be lost as an individual. Partly because I don’t see that heterosexuals treat marriage with any respect whatsoever yet wanted to prevent others from joining in their misery/happiness. Can we please let homosexuals be happy or miserable married people too?!?
I know I’m at the beginning of this journey, and who knows how my thoughts and feelings will change over time. Maybe casual relationships work now, but one day I’ll want monogamy again. Or maybe I’ll practice a polyamorous lifestyle – something I’m learning about from dating men in open married and non-married relationships.
It’s an amazingly fascinating journey, which I hope you come with me on…and share and comment about!