Is Orgasm the Point of Sex?

Well, you might immediately answer babies is the point of sex, but I’m referring to sex for pleasure. Heck even if you are trying to make babies, sex is pleasurable.

One of my new lovers, whose fun tale I will tell in a later post, recently confronted me about not having an orgasm through penetration. In fact, he suggested I was letting my past sexual experiences, basically not coming through penetration, hinder me from being open to even trying to have an orgasm through penetration. Furthermore, he said I should sign up for a three-day seminar called the “Landmark Forum,” where, it seems from all the reading I did, hundreds of people are packed into a room and forced to dig deep into their pasts. Then they are encouraged/forced, depending on where you read about the seminar, to face those things that have been holding them back and deal with them so they can emerge free of them. And then, I guess, I would miraculously orgasm by penetration?

His strange conclusions and suggestions aside, all of this really got me to question what I get out of sex. What makes it pleasurable for me? Is it just to orgasm? Are there other things going on? And to his point, should I be pursuing having an orgasm through penetration? It sure sounds nice. It actually happened to me once when I was in college with my first boyfriend so it must be possible. But does that make is possible with anyone, or was the shape of his hard cock some magic key that unlocked me? Fuck! Am I just overthinking this??

Take Nerdie. What makes sex pleasurable with him? Well for one, I can’t recall a man that ever got me to orgasm the first time he went down on me. It was, and continues to be, just perfect. Most of the time when a new guy attempts, it takes a few rounds and some good amount of instruction, which is totally fine, as long as he is willing and able to take instruction.

But beyond the orgasm, there is so much more I get from having sex with him. I enjoy giving him pleasure. I enjoy having his body next to mine. I enjoy his touch. I enjoy the feeling of his lips.

I enjoy sex with him when we aren’t even having actual sex. We flirt. I send him sexy pics of me and even, once, an audio of me masterbating (creative and naughty!). I enjoy that we talk about and explore toys, sexy outfits for me, and locations outside the bedroom.

Does the pleasure of sex only have to be when you are actually having it? I don’t think so. All of those things I just listed, in and out of the bedroom, are sex to me and they are all pleasurable.

So back to the orgasm through penetration question. It does sound nice, but to me I have to decide, like anything, is it a goal I wish to pursue? How important is it to me that I come through penetration? Are there other sexual goals I want to pursue?

I think one day this may be a goal I’d like to pursue, but right now I have others. Here they are:

  • To have varied, creative, first-time sexual experiences, such as with a woman, in a threesome, using toys, wearing sexy clothes, and being open to different techniques and activities. Because I was monogamous with each of my three boyfriends over the past 21 years and the sex was never really adventurous with any of them, I want to open myself up to exploring myself and others to discover what is pleasurable to me.
  • To explore all the various types of relationships out there. How do people related to each other? What works and doesn’t work for them? Listen to or read about their stories. Think about what I think about them. Maybe monogamy isn’t for me. Or maybe after a period of exploration, it will be again.

I feel like, at this point, while one-nighters aren’t the goal I still learn from them. I am learning from every interaction I have, actually, even if I don’t have sex with them. So thanks to this new lover, who when he gets his own post will be called Scandi (shortly for Scandinavian), for making me think.

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