Help Wanted: Executive Chef


This position provides experienced culinary leadership, training and support to the BOH (back-of-house) staff while maintaining fiscal management over the entire Restaurant.


Job responsibilities include, but are not limited to the following:

Leadership, Training and Human Resources

  • Possess the exceptional patience to train, retrain and retrain again BOH staff on culinary techniques, basic cleanliness, and labeling and organizing containers – likely with multiple and/or the same employee(s) daily or several times per day on the same task.
  • Must have loud, commanding voice and willing to use it in front of mixed crowds; free with graphic profanity as well as sexist and racist comments and/or sexual innuendoes a plus.
  • Ability to manage the schedules of staff who don’t want to work weekends and constantly have reasons not work, including legal requirements to report to jail.
  • Ability to look and act intimidating and unapproachable; mood swings and experience as an alcoholic a plus.
  • Willing to work with an ever-changing BOH staff who may at any time or simultaneously be insubordinate, lazy, wasteful, unsanitary, and/or lying; must be willing to step into an employee’s station if s/he should suddenly walk off the job.

Business Goals

  • Create a menu mix, environment and experience that attracts and pampers to high maintenance customers, generates a 3-5% profit, and pleases owners, investors and their VIPs while maintaining low staff and product expenses, managing inventory numbers, and minimizing waste and loss to staff consumption.
  • Cater to an entitled clientele that puts ice in red wine, yells at BOH staff in the middle of service, scares away fellow customers with their drunkenness, and orders “mixed drinks.”
  • Creativity to make a profit year after year on dishes with limited to no control over labor costs and product prices as well as clienteles’ culinary whimsical desires, which often includse shit they’ve seen on food reality TV.


  • Must be willing to work 10-14 hours per day, 5-7 days per week, which may or may not include telecommuting to complete reports, human resources duties and answer bullshit emails from investors and vendors; on call at any time a must.
  • Plumbing and carpentry experience mandatory, including ability to unstop toilets, refinish tables, clean drains, and repair roofing, among other tasks.
  • Following after BOH staff to clean, relabel and organize walk-ins, reach-ins and lowboys required.


  • 20-30 years progressive leadership roles in restaurant management.
  • Spanish-speaking strongly recommended if you want BOH staff respect as well as to avoid people talking about you in your presence.
  • Must be omnipresent and omniscient even when not on site.
  • Ability to identify fault in others’ work.
  • Prior misdemeanor/jail time irrelevant.
  • Willing to let one’s self go both physically and mentally.


  • Starting salary eh, maybe $75,000-90,000.
  • Health insurance!
  • Free food tastings throughout the day, but must be standing. Will never be hungry nor satiated.
  • Work with some incredible product.*

* Available only on the East or West Coasts.

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