Burning Couple: Scared Straight

During our time dating, Nerdie and I have been also been looking for couples and unicorn women to see and “play” with together. The Burning Couple was the first couple we matched with on Tinder.

The Burning Couple because they enjoy the occasional party drug, clubbing and well, Burning Man. Living together for the past two years in SF. Let’s call her Jess: 35, 5’7″ white, medium length thin straight blond hair, blue eyes, cutie, small boobs, just a lil out of shape with thick legs and small belly, never married, no kids. He, Dan, 46, 5’9″ Indian descent, full head of black hair gelled back, pretty big mid-drift, the accent of a SoCal surfer dude, divorced with three kids.

She and I matched, had pleasant intro conversation, and shortly after made plans for the four of us to meet at a bar in the city. Our first date was perfectly lovely. We talked as a group, and broke off at various times to speak individually.

We made second date plans.

As a first order of business from his recent divorce, Dan bought himself the pontoon boat the ex would never let him have. It was parked at the West Sacramento Marina.

We stocked up on snacks and booze, put on our bathing suits and headed out for a day on the water.

Jess met us at the end of the dock wearing shorts and a tank top over her bathing suit. My eyes were drawn to her legs as she led us to the boat.

NOOOOOO, the dreaded cankles! My penis deflated. My face scrunched in pain.

Ok, ok, get yourself together. Looks are always secondary to personality and chemistry in my book. Stop being so mean – judgey bitch. Keep going solider.

Besides being Dan’s second time taking the boat out and literally running into boats on his way out of the marina, we had a grand ‘ole drunken boating time. Music, swimming, sunning, chatting, river peeing. It became quite clear to both me and Nerdie, they were much more about us whereas we were still in the examine-n-baby steps mode.

We got the boat back into the marina without much fanfare despite being way more drunk. After safely parking, I took Jess out for a test drive and made out with her a bit while the boys watched. Good enough kisser, and it was fun to feel like the man since I had to bend down so far to get my smacker on hers. Note to self about liking feeling manly.

Ok, some recovery there.

We planned a third date. Six Flags.

Meanwhile, there were a lot of  group texts and a lot of texts from her to me asking about our every feeling, thought and desire past, present and future. A little much, but I appreciated the openness. Better to over-communicate when you are trying to get a four-some together. Plus there was some interesting sex reports.

“He fucked me 3x this morning, and I’ve never been so tired in my life. We broke personal orgasm goals with more of the night to go!!!”

“So you came 3xs today??”

“Had 4 sessions, 3 in the morning with 15 orgasms and just now 5 more. He had 4 in total.”

Jess then sends a dark pic of them having sex. He’s taken it looking down himself while she’s on top, folded over him, sweaty belly rolls…yes sweaty…thighs squished. Faintest site of his penis in her following his round, dark haired belly.

It looks like the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man is mounting the end of a half-lit NYC streetlight pole.

They aren’t unattractive people, but come on – know your audience! Bad angle, bad lighting, bad position. Bad sexting, bad!

Six Flags day arrives. Perfectly fine, lovely time riding rides, eating, drinking, chatting. So much amusement wiped us out so we peeled off in the late afternoon.

Then I moved, it was summer, he’d got kids – weeks go by.

Nerdie and I talk. It’s luke-warm from us at best, but he lets me take the lead. I’m trying because they are nice, easy-going, and newbies too, but I’m also trying. So I try.

“Nerdie and I were talking more and wanted to ask you guys about getting together for some fun times – start out by just having play time with our respective partners in the same room. Kind of like live action porn…would you be interested in that?”

“Sweet! Dan and I would be interested.”

“Cool – we think it would be fun! However scheduling might be an issue for the next few weeks…”

“No worries! The next two weeks may be tough for us too. Let me sync with Dan tomorrow on schedules.”

“I thought you guys lived together??”

“We do, but he splits his time in Sac with his kids.”

“Aww, all alone in the big city??”

“Haha, for a bit, expecting Dan around midnight.”

Hmm, my devil horns become erect. I always enjoy a lively sexting session, but never have I with a girl before…shall we?

“I just thought you might like to sext a bit…I’ve never done that with a girl before…”

“Please start.”

My first shot was me with folded legs under my ass pushing that nice round booty out. It was more than two hands could hold. Wearing a white lacy thong running from my ass up the small of back. Curving high around my hip, hugging it tight, disappearing as the lace bent back down in the front toward my pussy. Beautiful colorful garden of tattoos displayed below, above and under the lace. Strawberries, butterflies. Shadows capturing the arch in my lower back.

She returned. Stretched out naked on the bed. Took the picture above and to her right with no face visible. Just a straight shot down her body. Large, suckable, perky brown nipples, round belly and right leg folded to cleverly cover her pussy.

“Your dark nipples are fantastic!!”

“I love your tan lines, so hot!!”

“I think you know mine are pink.”

Front on pic of my bare left breast prominently pouring out of a grey tank top. Large, round, stiff nipple accentuates a small breast begging to be cupped and sucked.

“Yum. Of course they are hot, especially with your beautiful artwork…very sensual!!”

“I’m sexting with Nerdie with now too. He just sent me a pic of his hard cock, and told me how he loves when my pussy grabs his cock when I cum. Ok your turn for the next pic…”

And then…in a millisecond that followed growing excitement…building pleasure…the first reach down my pajama pants…

I was scared straight.

“What would you do with this in front of you?”

I was frozen. Staring. Blank face. Completely immobilized.

Run far, far away – that’s what I’d do!

It was literally the ugliest pussy I had ever seen, could be seen, was ever seen??

I texted Nerdie for advice. I was simultaneously laughing and stunned, and had no idea how to react to this terrible site. Ehhhh….??

“I love it bald!”

That’s all I could come up with quickly. How could I tell her I’d eat it? Finger it? Fuck it? Ask Nerdie to fuck it? Finger it? Eat it? I’m a terrible, terrible person. The worst.

“You didn’t answer the question.”

OMG! How can I exit this convo ASAP?!?

We had a few more exchanges so her pussy wasn’t on my phone screen anymore. I didn’t have to view it while texting her back. I tried to be nice, however, luke-warm and playing along until I found my escape hatch.

“Lick that clit gently at the top, soft swirling.”

“Would you like any whipped cream or honey?”

“Mmmm, honey would make it that much sweeter…”

“And then? Ha, don’t tell me you’re done, haha!”

I just trailed off into the night…never to return…

No, not really. We exchanged texts for a few more weeks, and then eventually I just said Nerdie and I weren’t feeling it.

Scared straight. That’s how you get scared straight.

“We got sexual desires. Who do you think we get?”

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